30 Apr 2015

God resigns over situation in Middle East

In a surprising announcement He made during a hastily-convened press conference, God has declared that He is resigning over the situation in the Middle East and other global failures which He takes full responsibility for. God made it clear that his position has become untenable, but He will stay on as caretaker deity until a replacement could be found. The news has sent shockwaves throughout the world as stock prices plunged and an atmosphere of uncertainty prevailed.

At the press conference held at the Washington DC Marriott, the only venue available at a short notice, God outlined the reasons for his resignation citing primarily the deteriorating situation in the Middle East. God spoke at length of the region’s significance to Him, having chosen it as the place to launch three monotheistic religions. God spoke bitterly of his disappointment and pain over the wars that continue to plague the region which He had had high hopes for.

23 Apr 2015

Sound like an expert with these phrases about Middle East politics

Many people are hesitant to talk about the Middle East and its politics because it seems to be quite a complex place that requires extensive knowledge to understand it. While this is certainly true, there are handy phrases you can use that will make you sound like you know what you are talking about without actually bothering to study the area. We have collected these phrases in the form of a handy guide below. Note that if used properly, you can even go on to become a certain moustached celebrated columnist allowed to pontificate on the region with very little knowledge to go on.

‘It’s all about the oil’

This is the mother of all phrases about Middle East politics. It is one of the most effective phrases in the context of Middle Eastern geopolitics and one that can explain everything. It has even been used to explain Saudi Arabia’s 8-0 defeat at the hands of Germany in the 2002 World Cup and the backlash against Haifa Wehbe’s latest video clip.

16 Apr 2015

Vintage Arab Maths Questions


Everybody is talking about the maths puzzle from Singapore which got people discussing the question of Cheryl’s birthday. If you liked solving the puzzle, below are some vintage Arab maths questions, taken from textbooks from the Saddam and Gaddafi era. We hope you enjoy solving them.

Problem 1 from Iraq.

There are five thieves who have 100 gold coins. They want to divide the coins among themselves but not all of them participated in all five robberies. Four of them participated in four of the robberies, three of them participated in three, and so on. How should they divide the coins fairly amongst themselves?

14 Apr 2015

Meet the violent anti-fake news website movement

It all started in July of last year, Tim Timothy was browsing the internet when he came across an article titled ‘Everyone In Middle East Given Own Country In 317,000,000-State Solution’. As a keen observer of the region Timothy, who’s studying for a master’s in International Relations, was aghast by the news. He read the article over and over, and every time it seemed stranger and stranger, he was nearly moved to tears by the prospect.

What Timothy did next changed his life forever. He shared the article on his Facebook page with a heartfelt message about the sad fate of the Middle East, an area he had grown fond of since spending a week in Morocco. Timothy wasn’t prepared for what happened next as his friends, and gradually strangers, started mocking him in the comments box, telling him that the article was satirical and ridiculing him for his gullibility. Timothy deleted the post but it was too late, someone had already taken a screen shot of his post and it was shared widely on social media and he was bombarded by sarcastic messages for days.

10 Apr 2015

Beirut to be demolished and turned into a giant car park

The government of Lebanon has come up with an innovative solution to the parking and traffic problems in the city of Beirut that is sure to transform the way we look at cities from now on. Over the next few years, the city will be demolished entirely and replaced by a giant car park. The city is notorious for its traffic jams and lack of adequate parking spaces and this solution will make residents happy and guarantee that the scheme receives wide political support.

The situation in the city has been getting worse for a number of years and the government couldn’t cope any more with the constant complaints from residents and visitors and finally decided to turn to this radical solution to end the problem once and for all. It is understood that the scheme will be offered to a private company through a BOT deal, where the company handles the demolition and the construction of the parking and is then able to charge people for parking at reasonable rates.

7 Apr 2015

The Middle East Geopolitics Guide to Surviving Office Politics

The backstabbing, the plotting, the scheming, the conspiracies, the competition for resources; the world of corporate office politics is surely a difficult one in which to survive. Fortunately, experts in management theory have recently noticed the similarities between the intricacies of corporate office politics and the realm of Middle East geopolitics and have turned to the latter for inspiration on how to survive and thrive in the hostile, cutthroat world of the modern corporation. Below are the initial findings of this thrilling study.

Resources

Much like with Middle Eastern geopolitics, controlling resources is crucial to increasing your power in the corporate world. Be sure to get a desk near the water cooler where you can observe who’s talking to whom and what they are discussing. Coffee is also another important geopolitical commodity, and if you can work your way to controlling coffee supplies in the office it will go a long way towards earning you favours and consolidating your power. Office workers will do anything for a good cup of coffee in the morning.

25 Mar 2015

I Wrote My Own Wikipedia Biography

Sharro holding an imaginary chicken in 2012

Karl Sharro

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Karl Sharro (Arabic: كارل شرّو‎) (born in 1971 in Zahle, Lebanon) is a Lebanese-Iraqi-Phoenician-British architect, someone on Twitter and also someone who has a blog.

1 Early Life
2 Career
3 The London Years
4 Fame
7 External links 

Early life

Sharro was born to his parents, a sign of the great genius that he will grow up to become. Only great people are born to families, ordinary people are born in families. Sharro enjoyed a happy childhood during the Lebanese civil war (1975-1990), particularly enjoying the long absences from school because of the fighting. While in the classroom he liked to write short funny messages that he would pass to his classmates, acquiring a skill that will be useful later in life on Twitter.

18 Mar 2015

Netanyahu warns of nightmarish future in which Arabs do regular stuff

Taking a break from warning about the existential threat posed by Iran to the free world, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has issued a rallying cry and a warning against another major threat: Arabs are doing regular stuff. Netanyahu’s ‘the Arabs are voting!’ has resonated around the world, as he unleashed an apocalyptic warning of the dangers of a future in which Arabs voted, got jobs in management and perhaps even went to the cinema occasionally.

16 Mar 2015

Arab Leaders Agree On Banning Opinions

In an unprecedented major reform initiative, Arab League leaders have arrived at an agreement to ban opinions entirely. The leaders, who met recently in Egypt, have come to the realisation that the number one reason for disagreement is differing opinions, and have decided to end this nefarious source of subdivision and disharmony once and for all. From now on, they declared, only the truth will be allowed.