18 Nov 2014

"You have a nice face" Exclusive Leaked Transcript of the Iran Nuclear Talks

In an exclusive scoop that no other media outlet has been able to achieve, our website has obtained a leaked transcript of the Iran nuclear talks involving U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif at a negotiation session held this week in Vienna. The main sticking point in the negotiations has been the US desire to limit Iran’s ability to develop nuclear weapons, and the two met in a side session to try to resolve the issue of the number of Iran’s mainstay centrifuges the US is willing accept.

Iran intended to build 8000 units whereas the US initially said it won’t allow it more than 1500. The leaked transcript gives a fascinating insight into those proceedings that are usually conducted behind closed doors, attended only by the two main protagonists and their translators and one adviser each. Crucially, Kerry broke with protocol and brought on seasoned Lebanese negotiator Um Kareem Kharbatali, famed for her legendary negotiating skills in addition to having valuable insight into Iranian culture. Analysts suggested that she was crucial to the negotiations, advising Kerry on the best line of negotiation to take, in the process taking Zarif by surprise.

14 Nov 2014

Lebanon Solves Global Food Crisis – By Eating Faeces

The tiny nation of Lebanon has come up with a radical solution to solve the global food crisis that will go a long way towards creating a sustainable food source for the entire planet: human faeces. The bold scheme has been running for a few years now and has proved so successful that the country has decided to publicise it and launch a campaign to make it go global.

Lebanese Food and Health Minister Wael Abou Faour announced the innovative solution in a press conference last week, creating a lot of controversy and debate about the unconventional food source. Many Lebanese were not aware of the type of food they were consuming but they all agreed that it tasted as good as meat if not better. A study revealed that the faeces-based food was safe to eat and had no harmful health effects.

13 Nov 2014

We Google Translated A Thomas Friedman Article Into Arabic And Back Into English And Now It Makes Sense

We were perplexed by Thomas Friedman's latest article so we Google translated it into Arabic and back into English and now it makes much more sense. Below is the direct results from Google, unaltered. 

Freud and the Middle East

Thomas Friedman

Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates - When you attempt to try to understand the Middle East, one of the most important rules to keep in mind is: Why do the politicians here to tell you it does not matter usually secretly. What matters most, and what explains their behavior more than once does not, is what they say in public in their own language for the people. As President Obama sends more US advisers help Iraqis defeat the Islamic state, or ISIS, it is vital Web Abebooks listen carefully to what they are key players in the public saying in their own language from each other, and to their own aspirations.

For example, the Institute of Media Research for the Middle East, or MEMRI, a recent annual published excerpts from the interview by Mohammed Sadiq Given Husseini form of Iranian President Mohammad Khatami adviser, all of which aired on the television arena screen on September 24 in all, which ET and pointed out that Iran Shiite, information and communication technology through agents, has taken effective control over the Arab capitals oven: Beirut, Hezbollah Shiite militia during; Damascus, through diet Shia / Alawite regime of Bashar Assad. Baghdad, through the Shiite-led government there; (f), while few in the West attach importance - Sanaa, where the pro-Iranian Shiite Yemeni-branch community, and recently swept the Houthis in Yemen's capital and now are dominating the year.

11 Nov 2014

It’s True If I Say It Is, The World according To the Great Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Portrait of Mr Taleb using traditional Phoenician photography. With a swan.
History is full of great Lebanese people who have contributed so much to humanity, and they never even mention it. But in the modern era nobody can come close to matching the genius of the greatest public intellectual of our era, Nassim Nicholas Taleb. The claim is largely based on Mr Taleb’s own self-perception but that doesn’t make it wrong. This quintessential Phoenician genius has transformed the way we see the world, in the process changing the very nature of knowledge itself. To that end, we’re lucky to be able to offer you an opportunity to peek inside the head of this very special person.

There is no doubt that Mr Taleb’s greatness derives from his inherent Phoenician-ness, a genetico-cultural paradigm he inherited from the one-time inhabitants of the Levant. He also coined the phrase ‘genetico-cultural’ to get around some thorny and tenuous connections that would have been very hard to explain otherwise, a mark of the brave intellectual unafraid to make things up when it suits him.

7 Nov 2014

Qatar Launches Ambitious Nobel Prize Programme, Acquires Einstein For $10mn

The small, oil-and-gas rich, state of Qatar has concluded a $10mn deal to acquire the legacy of Albert Einstein in a bid to increase its number of Nobel Prize laureates. The deal is the first step of a an ambitious programme to increase Qatar’s historic contributions to science and will be followed by further deals to acquire Pierre and Maria Curie, Guglielmo Marconi, Max Planck, Enrico Fermi and many others.

Under the terms of the deal arrived at with Mr Einstein’s heirs, the late scientist will be granted Qatari citizenship posthumously and will be referred to as ‘the German-American-Qatari scientist’. Qatar will acquire the right to use the image of the scientist, known for his theory of relativity and iconic hairstyle, and promote him as one of the leading Qatari scientists.

6 Nov 2014

God is of Lebanese Origin!

The Phoenician god El
Omar Sharif, Mika, Salma Hayek, Terrence Malick, Paul Anka, and many many others are all international celebrities of Lebanese origin. But those big names are about to be eclipsed by the biggest personality of them all – God! According to the findings of a recent extensive investigation, God is also of Lebanese origin, a revelation that is bound to shock the world and increase the Lebanese people’s pride in their country.

The investigation was carried out by the Lebanese Centre for the Discovery of Celebrities of Lebanese Origin, (LCDCLO), one of the most trusted organisations in the world in the field of tracing celebrities of Lebanese origin. The Beirut-based organisation employed a team of researchers over a period of five years and they were able to prove beyond doubt that God is indeed of Lebanese origin.

31 Oct 2014

The Jezebel Complex and Lebanese Women Today

There’s a persistent stereotype when it comes to Lebanese women today that I often come across both in real-life conversations and on social media. Lebanese women pay excessive attention to their appearance, they do too much plastic surgery, they use too much makeup and so on. The implication is that Lebanese women are superficial and this supposed excessive attention to physical appearance reflects a lack of intellectual capabilities.

Now it would be bad enough if this attitude came from conservative or religiously-minded people, but in fact it’s much more wide-spread than that. You’ll come across this attitude among liberal, secular types who seem to be unaware of the puritanical aspect of such perceptions. It stems sometimes from a prudish strand of feminism that is overly focused on objectification, in the process denying women agency and the ability to control their public image.

29 Oct 2014

How To Use Brown People To Illustrate A Story About Overpopulation

Yesterday a report was published by the National Academy of Sciences warning that even major wars and catastrophes won't curb population growth. Good news, you might think, we are resilient as a species but of course that's not the version that the media will go with. Naturally it's too good an opportunity to miss for another round of scaremongering about human population growth. There's nothing that gets western media, in particular, giddy with excitement as the prospect of disasters brought about by population growth.

But how best to illustrate a scary story about human population growth? For some time now I have noticed that those stories are never illustrated with pictures of white people, the convention seems to be that brown people or non-white people in general are more photogenic to illustrate the threat of overpopulation.

Let's take a look at how this particular story was illustrated:

The Independent went for 'brown people boarding a train': (From Bangalore).

13 Oct 2014

Fascinating Observations of Life in the West by an Iraqi Anthropologist

Until now there have been very few authoritative anthropological study about the Western World, of which we know very little aside from inaccurate media representations and what we see in TV and film which can be hardly representative of the reality of Western culture. However a major study by Iraqi anthropologist Hassan Daqiq is set to change that. Daqiq spent years living among Western people and meticulously documenting their culture and lifestyle. The result is a rich archival encyclopaedia of the habits and daily lives of Western people.

Daqiq lived among Western people like a native, eating their food and wearing their clothes, in an attempt to get them at ease and make them open up about their beliefs, practices and cultures. He took thousands of photographs and hours of footage of their daily lives, and conducted hundreds of interviews with Western Peoples over many years. Below we share some of this fascinating material that will reveal little known facts about Western culture and people.

10 Oct 2014

We Went Busking With Slavoj Žižek

Superstar Communist philosopher and cultural theorist Slavoj Žižek once claimed that his lectures are more rock and roll than The Beatles in their heyday. We decided to put the idea to the test by taking the unkempt Slovenian philosopher busking and see how much money he can make by ad-libbing about politics, philosophy and psychoanalysis on the streets of London. The results will surprise you.

1 The ICA - post-superpower capitalist world order

We head first to the Institute of Contemporary Art, a venue beloved by pretentious arty types who are into overpriced contemporary radical theory. Žižek stands outside the main doors and launches into an experimental rant about his latest obsession, a dissection of the possibilities of post-superpower capitalist world order. As soon as he is recognised a large crowd gathers around us.