3 Nov 2013

Frequently Asked Questions about Morsi’s Show Trial


We answer questions about the laws and events behind ousted president Mohamed Morsi's trial, scheduled to begin on Monday.

What kind of court will conduct the trial?

Kangaroo.

Are show trials normal in Egypt?

Only when regular trials are inconvenient.

Isn't this against the spirit of the law?

We don’t come to your country and tell you how to run your courts.

What charges does Morsi face?

‘Being in office while elected’, which is a severe offense against Egyptian laws and conventions. As this is not actually a criminal offence, the prosecution team has helpfully come with a professionally-typed list of trumped-up charges.

What is the maximum penalty Morsi faces?

This depends on the imagination of the judges. The Egyptian judicial system likes to encourage creativity and innovation. The military junta will also have a say, although this will be relayed to the judges in secret because the military are shy and withdrawing.

Who are the other defendants alongside Mohamed Morsi?

Anyone who wittingly or unwittingly found themselves acting against the wishes of the Egyptian people, as interpreted by the military. This could be up to hundreds of bearded men some of whom will only be there because they have a beard. Westerners who find this odd are reminded that Egyptians also find many of your costumes odd but they hardly ever mention them. Like Morris dancing, what is that?

What is the difference between Morsi’s trial and Hosni Mubarak’s trial?

Mubarak’s trial wasn’t important enough to fix.

Will Morsi appear in court on Monday?

This all depends on the how visible torture signs are. The Egyptian state is very humane and would like to spare people upsetting scenes.

Any chance that Morsi will be found innocent?

Haha. Next question.

I have a note here to ask you how would you describe General Sisi?

The glorious leader of the Egyptian nation and the spirit of Egypt itself, a man like no other. A manly man, as much as it is possible to be a man without venturing into homoerotic descriptions.

How is this question relevant to Morsi’s trial?
It helps set the mood.


Thanks to Shafik Mandhai for inspiring this post.

4 comments:

  1. Somehow this is not satire anymore...it s the bitter reality

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  2. sisi is american and jewish puppet not glorious leader. he is a traitor and liar. he is against the will of egyptian people.

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    Replies
    1. You forgot to add that he's a puppet of the Vietnamese and Lithuanian, too!

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  3. This is one of the best comments I've read about this issue.

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Karl reMarks is a blog about Middle East politics and culture with a healthy dose of satire.