AA: What is your opinion about what’s happening now in Syria?
FAS: In the beginning let me say they I trust the wisdom of Iran’s spiritual leader Ali Khamenei and I admire the resilience of Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah. They could have played an important role in reaching an early political solution to the Syrian crisis. Obviously, what we need is a 100% Syrian solution to this crisis.
AA: What is your vision for a solution?
FAS: Did I mention that I trust the wisdom of Iran’s spiritual leader? And Hassan Nasrallah? Because they are instrumental to any Syrian-Syrian solution to the crisis.
AA: What do you think of the role that external powers are playing in inflaming the situation within Syria?
FAS: I am personally quite fond of Persian carpets.
AA: Can you be specific about certain countries?
FAS: I am a friend of the Russian people and I admire what China has become. But obviously Iran is our main friend, it could have been a great democratic experiment.
AA: What specific role can Iran play?
FAS: I am a big fan of modern Iranian cinema.
AA: How does that relate to the conflict in practical terms?
FAS: It obviously illustrates the wisdom of the spiritual leader which I trust.
AA: And in terms of responding to the demands of a democratic movement?
FAS: Obviously Iran has had a good experience with that.
AA: Why did you have a low-profile during this crisis?
FAS: Are you going to publish my replies accurately?
AA: Yes, of course.
FAS: Then let me take this occasion to salute the wisdom of Iran’s spiritual leader, Ali Khamenei.
AA: Do you think you’re overdoing it with those references to Iran?
FAS: Why don’t you let your readers judge if this sounds plausible or not?
AA: Good point. Have we mentioned Hassan Nasrallah?
FAS: I admire his resilience and wisdom of course.
AA: What is your opinion of what’s happening in Egypt?
FAS: Some people say it’s becoming another Iran. Obviously I would welcome that. Particularly if they have a wise spiritual leader. Like Khamenei whose wisdom I respect.
Are you going to publish this interview verbatim?
AA: That would be boring. We might repackage it and focus on the important points.
FAS: Like how I admire Khamenei?
AA: Exactly. Tell us more about decisions in Syria are taken?
FAS: Our biggest problem in Syria is that we don’t have a wise spiritual leader. So there’s discussions and arguments, it’s very messy. I can think of one country where they don’t have that problem.
AA: Don’t mention it, it will sound like we’re talking too much about Iran. What do you think of Syria’s future after this?
FAS: I drive an Iranian-made car. It’s fantastic and very reliable. You have to wonder how did Iran manage to manufacture cars, build nuclear power plants, etc. They must have a special kind of wisdom leading them.
AA: Excellent point. Anything else to add?
FAS: I think I made all the important points and you will no doubt highlight them.
AA: Thank you for this interview.
FAS: Have a piece of these Iranian sweets before you go. They’re excellent.
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Karl reMarks is a blog about Middle East politics and culture with a healthy dose of satire.
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