"You have a nice face" Exclusive Leaked Transcript of the Iran Nuclear Talks

In an exclusive scoop that no other media outlet has been able to achieve, our website has obtained a leaked transcript of the Iran nuclear talks involving U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif at a negotiation session held this week in Vienna. The main sticking point in the negotiations has been the US desire to limit Iran’s ability to develop nuclear weapons, and the two met in a side session to try to resolve the issue of the number of Iran’s mainstay centrifuges the US is willing accept.

Qassem Suleimani Iran’s Shadowy Commander Who Has No Shadow

It was a hot summer evening in Tehran, as the scents of spices wafted through Tehran’s Grand Bazaar and the voice of the muezzin could be heard in the distance calling the pious for the evening prayer and something suitably mysterious and oriental about Persian carpets, a group of official-looking people were walking silently among the crowd. To the casual eye there would have been nothing special about this group of middle-aged men, but the casual eye didn’t recognise Iran’s most important weapon in its war against the US and its pathetic sidekicks: Qassem Suleimani.

How Barack and Hassan Became Pen Pals

Dear Hassan,

It's very nice to correspond with you, I have never talked to anyone from Iran before. I work for the government here, and I have a very difficult job but I live in a nice big house with a garden. Please tell me more about yourself.

Sincerely,

Barack Hussein Obama


Dear Barack,

I noticed that your middle name is Hussein, that is a very special name in my culture. Are you a Muslim?

I work for the government too, but I'm also a cleric. We're more honest here than in America about how we mix religion and government, we don’t try to pretend like you.

Yours sincerely,

Hassan Rouhani