26 Jun 2017

Dear Britain, Congratulations on your independence. Here’s what happens next. –The Global South.

On the first anniversary of the Brexit vote, many in Britain are celebrating their ‘Independence Day’. We in the Global South have been through this before, after we achieved our independence from, er, mostly Britain. But we bear no grudges, so let’s start by saying hearty congratulations on your independence, we are very happy for you. In order to make your experience smoother, we will share some lessons and advice we have learned in the post-independence era. So here’s what comes next.

The English Channel
The English Channel is one of the world’s busiest maritime trade routes and it’s extremely important for the trade movement of many countries in the Global South. Understandably, you will wish to take control of the English Channel as an exercise in sovereignty and to increase your national revenues to support post-independence economic development.

While this may sound like a good idea, please be warned that countries like India and China will look unfavourably upon such a development. Should you attempt to hamper the trade routes or demand unreasonable fees for crossing it, China and India, perhaps with the aid of regional surrogates, will invade the Channel and take control of Dover and other important ports. If you refuse to comply with their demands, they will escalate military action. Your sovereignty is quite important to us, but we are sure that you appreciate that global trade is far more important.