Two men raised as Christians have been recently convicted of murdering a soldier in London and as a result London’s mayor Boris Johnson has concluded that Muslim children who are radicalised by their parents
should be taken into care. This may sound absurd but it’s not for us to judge British culture. With the threat of having your children taken into custody, here are a few tips on how you can act more British and avoid this prospect. It’s not as difficult as it sounds; Boris Johnson himself has managed to
suppress his Turkish ancestry quite successfully and behave like a British upper class buffoon, proving that anyone can do it. So here goes:
Alcohol
Showing that you consume alcohol is a sure-fire way to prove that you are not radicalised and keep the zealotry police at bay, but you have to be subtle about it. For example, if the officers ask you what your children had for breakfast reply: “I’m so hung-over I forgot to feed them. I was completely smashed last night”. It also pays to be specific about the type of alcohol you drank, don’t just say “I drank alcohol” which sounds suspicious to the trained ear. Say things like “I knocked down three bottles of Argentinian Cabernet Sauvignon” which will make you sound both unradicalised and middle class, for a bonus point.
