18 Mar 2015

Netanyahu warns of nightmarish future in which Arabs do regular stuff

Taking a break from warning about the existential threat posed by Iran to the free world, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has issued a rallying cry and a warning against another major threat: Arabs are doing regular stuff. Netanyahu’s ‘the Arabs are voting!’ has resonated around the world, as he unleashed an apocalyptic warning of the dangers of a future in which Arabs voted, got jobs in management and perhaps even went to the cinema occasionally.

Netanyahu, an astute observer of all things Muslim and Arab, has been noticing for some time now these unmistakable signs of Arab radicalisation. Back in May he read an article online about Arab women surfing. Then in August he saw another exposé in the western press about Arab rock bands, with guitarists and everything. To top it all, he recently saw a photo essay about parkour in Gaza, which sealed his conviction that something really worrying was happening among the Arabs.

Then things started to escalate quickly. While on a walk in Jerusalem, he noticed two Arab women wearing headscarves eating ice-cream. Later that afternoon, he saw a young Arab man reading a book and looking utterly un-menacing. Perhaps even benign, although he wouldn’t use the word himself. He sought shelter online only to be confronted with more tales of horror: cake-baking classes in Baghdad! Women riding bicycles in Saudi Arabia! Non-rhyming poetry in Dubai! Transsexual women in Tehran! Something was clearly afoot.

Then the straw that broke the camel’s back came during the Israeli elections this week. Palestinian citizens of Israel were voting! The affront! Netanyahu summoned a crisis committee to debate what to do about this developing crisis. The choices were either to draw a powerful graphic that illustrates the danger of this looming threat, a ballot box that looked like a bomb perhaps, or come up with a phrase that captured the sinister essence of this nefarious phenomenon. Words won. Netanyahu’s ‘the Arabs are voting!’ summed up the dread and the fear in four neatly-arranged words.
Clear evidence of Arab radicalisation

It is understood that Netanyahu will now split his time evenly between warning about the threat of a nuclear Iran and the equally grave danger of Arabs doing regular stuff. But it has been revealed that he is pessimistic about the American administration taking his warnings seriously, let alone the soft European Union which has even sponsored some of these horrific courses in pottery-making and cycling among Arabs. Paradoxically however, this pleases Netanyahu who relishes the role of the Biblical prophet warning of impending doom or, in this case, the prospect of Arabs doing ordinary and mundane things.

Will the world heed Netanyahu’s serious warnings? It remains to be seen, but according to the Israeli leader the road ahead is difficult and we may have already crossed the point of no return and a critical red line. If the West doesn’t listen, we will all be sleepwalking towards a nightmarish future in which Arabs do ordinary stuff.

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Karl reMarks is a blog about Middle East politics and culture with a healthy dose of satire.

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